Shadow of a Feeling
by Xendell
Summary: Vexen is dangerous, and has to be eliminated. When Marluxia decides to do it himself, he discovers that Vexen is not easy to kill. 411, for those who don't like happy endings. COMPLETE
1. Decision

**Author's comments: Well, this is the first chapter of a longer story. I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of it's characters.**

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Looking out of the window, Marluxia sighed. His plan to take over Organization XIII was going well in general, though there were some details that bothered him. Those details were some of the other Organization members.

First of them was Axel. Although he seemed to be on Marluxia's side, still some part of Marluxia didn't trust him. As long as Axel kept on doing what was good for the plan though, there was no need to worry much. There were better ways to invest one's energy than to bother thinking about Axel. 

Second was Saix. If Marluxia were to take out the superior's most trusted ones and become the most trusted himself, Saix would have to be the first target. But how is a Nobody supposed to kill someone who is always in the presence of another, that other being the Superior himself? Marluxia still couldn't figure out how to separate Saix from the Superior, and take him out before he got back to Xemnas and ruined everything. But even about that he could think later.

His most important bother was Vexen. If Vexen were to reveal the plan to the keyblade wielder, Sora, all would be lost. But Vexen.. was different. Marluxia somehow couldn't just go down and kill him, even when he had the advantage and the perfect opportunity, even if Vexen wasn't much of a fighter, he couldn't. 

He'd tried countless times to take Vexen out. By himself, but also by giving orders to Larxene, or any other Nobody he could find, only to come running after them half a minute later, telling them he'd changed his mind. It was almost as if Vexen had control over him, instead of Marluxia being in charge, and Marluxia did not like it. 

- x -

When twilight came, Larxene decided to show up. She found Marluxia sitting in a chair in his room, slowly fidgeting with a rose in his hands. 

'_What's up with you?_' she asked him, making it sound like a greeting. 

Marluxia only looked up to her, and shook his head. He remained silent.

'_Who is it this time?_' Laxene sighed. She knew what kind of story would come, a long story about the details of the plan and how to overthrow the Organization and all those other things she'd heard from him a thousand times before. But..

'_How to kill Vexen._' Marluxia simply stated. 

There was an awkward silence. Marluxia probably expected Larxene to say something, but Larxene didn't know what to say. She didn't want to make the pink haired man angry by saying something like 'with your scyte', or asking him why he hadn't just let it happen all those times he'd tried. But her thinking took Marluxia too long; he'd already said '_you're dismissed'_ before she realized it.

- x -

Marluxia lay in his bed. It was comfortable, warm, soft. There were petals all over the sheets and the floor around the bed. They made it all look relatively messy, but Marluxia didn't mind. He had other things on his mind, and didn't fall asleep because of that. His headache increasing from lack of sleep and stress, he came to a decision. He got up and summoned his scyte; Vexen was too dangerous, and thus Vexen had to be eliminated. Simple as that.

His gracious footsteps were hardly audible, and so Marluxia decided to walk the last few metres to Vexen's room instead of portaling inside. He opened the door softly, stepped inside, and locked it from inside. A sleepy voice from around a corner whispered 

'_Who's there? Oh.. oh wait, maybe it's the replica.. I should go check on i-'_ He was cut off by Marluxia's deep voice, which broke through the silence as if it were a gunshot.

'_This is definitely not the replica. Vexen, your existence ends here.'_

The two men stood facing each other, one confused and frightened, the other stoïc, his weapon in his hand. Marluxia raised his scyte, meaning to make the first blow the final, when suddenly he stopped in his tracks. Vexen had fallen to his knees, defenselessly showing his back, his hands covering his face. 

'_What are you doing? Cowering away for death?' _Marluxia growled. He couldn't slaughter the man while he was on his knees, Vexen should've faced his death bravely, this wasn't how Marluxia anticipated it.. He had to pull himself together, he had a mission-

Vexen took this small delay to summon his shield, the same moment Marluxia swung his scyte down. A moment later there was a sound of two hard materials clashing into each other. 

Neither of them moved. Marluxia held his scyte with both hands, while Vexen was hiding away under the large shield. The scyte had made a deep cut into the upper part of the shield and was sticking through it. Frightened, Vexen waited for the next blow. 

It never came. 

When Vexen looked over the rim of his shield, he saw his opponent. The pink haired man was staring with wide eyes at the point where the scyte and the shield had met. Then it struck him; the scyte was stuck, the blonde only had to trust his shield forward to pierce one of it's spikes through Marluxia. 

He shifted, bent, and threw himself at his confused opponent. 

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Is that a cliffhanger? I like cliffhangers. :)I'll update as soon as possible! Please review, I would appreciate it a lot! 


	2. Vulnerable

**Author's note: And there's chapter two. The only thing I gotta say about this one is that words in **_italics_ **are thoughts. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Same as last chapter.**

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Chapter II.

Marluxia's thoughts raced. His scyte was stuck. _Stuck. _In his opponent's weapon. _His opponent._ He was still holding it. What, what to do? _Vexen._ Yeah, now what? _Moving. He moves._

Close, way too close. 

Marluxia felt the pain before he saw what was hurting him. Crimson liquid seeped in his cloak, making it a dark brown color. He felt his cloak tear as Vexen released his hold of the shield, and let it drop. It also pulled Marluxia down, who was a moment later lying on the floor in a puddle of blood, panting heavily. The blonde backed away, shocked and panicked. _I just pierced the leader of Castle Oblivion. Pierced. He's dying. Fading. What, what should I do? Think, think. Let him fade? I can't. He attacked me. Wait, what happened? It's all going way too fast!_

Vexen ran towards his attacker, rolling him on his back so he could examine the wound. It was deep, the shield seemed to have gone completely _through_ the Graceful Assassin. Vexen looked at Marluxia's face. He was pale, almost white, his normally deep blue eyes were now more gray-ish and dull. 

'_Marluxia? Marluxia, speak to me!_' Vexen almost hysterically cried out. If the pink haired man would die here, he'd be in big, big trouble. 

'_Stay awake! Whatever you do, stay awake!_' he called again, but didn't get an answer this time either. He ran towards his lab table and grabbed some bandages, needles, and disinfecting potions. As good as his shaking hands would allow him, he took care of the wound, grimacing at the thought that he was curing his attacker, one who'd had the intention to kill him. Vexen tried to suture the wound quickly, but as he began, he saw that Marluxia passed out. 

'_Shit, Marluxia, I told you to stay awake! Oh god, now what, now wha- Xaldin! Zexion! Anyone!' _Vexen cried out as loudly as he could, hoping someone would come to help him. 

Hurried footsteps could soon be heard near the lab. Xigbar came crashing into the lab, shouting, alarmed by all the commotion. He took in what he saw, the botanist lying limply on the floor, Vexen soaked in the blood and the weapons thrown away in a corner.

'_What in the world were you two doing!_' He exclaimed. Vexen just shook his head and called back to Xigbar

'_No time to explain, just keep him awake!'_

Xigbar did as he was ordered, sitting next to Marluxia and taking the pink haired head in his lap. 

- x -

Oh, it hurt. It hurt so incredibly much, Marluxia didn't even dare to move a finger. He'd been listening to sounds coming from some machine for almost an hour now, he estimated, and had declared himself 'awake'. Though that pain, the burning pain in his stomach wouldn't go away.. Marluxia didn't remember much, just getting out of bed one night because he was ..stressed? Worried, maybe? And where was he off to? What did he do, that he shouldn't have?

...Who'd done this to him?

Darkness surrounded him once again.

- x -

Vexen paced next to the bed, rearranging the sheets over and over again, making sure the Assassin wouldn't get cold. He still wasn't sure why he looked after the other, or why he was attacked, he only knew he didn't want to get in trouble. 

He looked at Marluxia again. As he lay there, he seemed peaceful, calm. No evil plan, no pain, no anger was displayed on his face. Just calm, dreamless sleep. His pink hair was splashed on the pillow, a few quaffs clinging to his face. There were still bloodstains all over his body. A little drop of blood rested on the Assassin's rosy lips. Vexen tried to gently brush it off, but it had dried up and wouldn't go away. He tried again, with a little more force this time, and jumped in surprise when the other suddenly opened his mouth a little. 

Nothing else happened, the Academic just stared in shock at his 'patient', who slept on peacefully, now with his mouth just a tad open. 

_He's so vulnerable like this.. nothing like before, _Vexen thought. _In a way, he's even beautiful right now._ Vexen smiled at his own thought. He'd thought it before, but he'd never been this close to the other while thinking it. One of his fingers still rested on the pink haired man's lips. He used it to stroke the other's forehead, cheek, and without even really thinking, he slowly cupped Marluxia's cheek. He leaned forward and closed his eyes.

It seemed like eternity before he felt the rosy lips meet his own. 

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**Once again, please review! I'm not a very experienced writer and need reviews to improve ..**


	3. Feel

**Author's note: I really liked writing this chapter, it's really different from what I usually write.**

**Random fact: This chapter was greatly inspired by the weather here in Holland (it's snowing.. on the first day of spring. Damn you, global warming!)**

**Disclaimer: Same as last chapters. **

**I hope you like it!**

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Chapter III. 

This sensation seemed to take over everything. Vexen felt, not just with his lips, but with his whole _being_ the presence of the other. Despite the fact that the pink haired man was unconscious and didn't respond, Vexen felt himself get excited the more he leaned in and the closer he came. His long, pale fingers grasped the pink locks, wrapping them around his fingers. He slid one hand under the other's neck, so he could sit up and took the unconscious one with him. Carefully supporting the other, he kept on pressing their lips together, kissing him passionately. 

Vexen didn't understand what he was doing. He was closing the distance between him and the one he should've loathed. He was touching, _feeling_ his hated enemy. He actually had to hold himself from taking the Assassin right then and there, unconscious or not. 

'_Vexen?' _A voice came from the doorway.

Jumping at the disturbance, Vexen dropped the Assassin in panic to the bed, panting and staring angrily at the intruder. A fragile man, with deep blue hair covering one of his eyes, stood leaning against the door. His grin was so wide, Vexen was thought it could rip his face in half. 

'_You shouldn't drop him like that. He's going to fall off the bed if you leave him lying like that._' Vexen's death glare became even more dangerous as Zexion spoke. '_And I know you have a fetish for experimenting,' _Zexion continued, '_but with common knowledge you should know that unconscious people don't respond. Even if you kiss them.' _He turned to leave, but when he was almost out of the door, he hissed to Vexen, '_but I'm sure that wasn't your intention, right? Oh, you wanted something __more__…'_ Laughing mockingly, Zexion portaled away just before Vexen, who'd had run after him, could hurt him. 

Vexen stared angrily at the point where Zexion had vanished. What would Zexion do with this newly acquired information? What if Zexion told everyone? Should he go after Zexion? Vexen didn't know what do with his own feelings either. 

A moment later Vexen was awakened from his thoughts by a loud _thump_. Muttering, he returned to the room where Marluxia lay, only to find him on the floor, having fallen off the bed. Vexen could only whisper,

'_Shit, that bastard was right._'

- x - 

Three days had passed and the Graceful Assassin had still not shown any signs of being alive. Vexen knew, despite all his previous feelings, that he was worried. He knew he shouldn't care, that he wasn't _able_ to care, that people, or Nobodies, do not care for their enemies. But still he couldn't get Marluxia out of his head, checking on him every moment of free time he had, making sure there was someone to look after his patient when he was away on a mission. He spent all of his research time looking for a way to wake the botanist up, checking the monitors constantly in search for a change in the patterns. 

It was already late in the evening on the fifth day when suddenly one of the monitors went red. Vexen rose immediately, alarmed at the sudden change. Marluxia's brain activity had spontaneously increased at an enormous amount. Vexen smiled at this good news, and wanted to check some other stats when at once the monitor showed a blank screen, only displaying the word '_disconnected_'. Vexen looked around in confusion. Several other monitors, that had previously shown the Assassin's health, now also seemed to be disconnected. The Academic felt himself go pale.

'_Don't tell me.. he.._' he stuttered, grabbing the lab table to support himself. '_Don't tell me he faded..'_

In panic Vexen ran to Marluxia's room. The threw the door open, and stared in shock at the bed. It was empty. Marluxia wasn't here. He saw the cords that had been measuring Marluxia's temperature and brain activity, and some other ones, lying around as if no one had ever been connected to them. Vexen fell on his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks silently. All his work, his care, his worrying, had it all been for nothing? What if Marluxia was really.. gone?

A warm, soft hand was placed on his shoulder soothingly. Vexen looked up in surprise, to see the object of his sorrow smiling lightly at him. Trembling, he raised his hand to touch the other's cheek, as if he wanted to check it wasn't an illusion. With his other hand Vexen wiped away his tears.

'_Marlu..'_ He whispered. The other gasped and stepped back in surprise.

'_You know my name?'_ He asked, looking at Vexen as if he saw a ghost. Now Vexen looked at him with the same surprised expression.

'_Why shouldn't I know it, XI?'_ Vexen asked, an angry undertone in his voice. That neophyte didn't know what he'd been through, he wouldn't forgive the other if he made a fool out of him. 

Marluxia shook his head in confusion, trying to figure out what was going on. In the end, he couldn't hold in the question that was bothering him.

'Do you mean we've met before?'

There was a long silence. Vexen looked at Marluxia, who had an almost child-like expression of curiosity on his face. _So he lost his memory.. I wonder how much he still knows,_ Vexen thought. 

'_XI, can I ask you a few questions?_' Vexen asked the other, who was still examining him with his eyes. 

'_Sure,'_ Marluxia responded, '_though why do you call me 'eleven' when you seem to know my name?'_

Vexen smiled. Without even asking his first question, Marluxia had already answered it. He did not remember about the Organization. Vexen sat down on the bed and patted the spot besides him, inviting Marluxia to sit next to him. Marluxia accepted the offer silently and sat down, fidgeting with his hair. 

'_So,' _Vexen began, _'do you know my name?' _Marluxia shook his head. Vexen only nodded, and maybe Marluxia expected him to tell his name, but he didn't, and the Assassin did not ask for it. So after a short moment of silence, Vexen continued.

'_Do you know what I mean if I say 'Organization XIII' or 'Castle Oblivion'?' _Marluxia shook his head again.

'_Do any of the following names recall any memories; Larxene, Axel, Naminé, Roxas?_' Again the answer was negative. _So he doesn't even remember the ones closest to him,_Vexen thought. After that conclusion, he grabbed a sheet of paper and wrote all the names of the Organization members down, by number. He gave it to Marluxia. 

'_Do you know these people?', _he asked. As Marluxia began to read, Vexen saw he showed no sign of recognition. Marluxia read the paper three times over, then handed it back. 

'_I don't know these people,'_ he sighed, '_except that one name seems really familiar, as if it was always on my mind.'_ Marluxia pointed at the paper. '_That one, number IV. Vexen.'_

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**Oh, one last thing; I wanted to thank the people who have decided to add this story to their story alert! Thanks a bunch, it makes me really happy! Next chapter will be up soon! And don't forget to review, you can influence this story by doing that. :)**


	4. Petal

**A/N: Woohoo, there chapter four! I'm really happy about this one. Oh, and i dedicate it to my two very sweet reviewers _Billie the Forth Sage _and _My Chemical Romance Dude, _you guys are great, thanks a lot for reviewing! And the watchers are sweet too, thank you too! A lot!**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything. Unfortunately. **

**Enjoy! And please, please review, I beg of you!**

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Chapter IV.

The silence seemed to last for an hour. Vexen stared intently at Marluxia, gazing into his blue eyes, which looked soft and genuine. Vexen knew that if he had had a heart, it would have been racing. Finally, Marluxia looked away, fidgeting with his hair.  
'_I don't know if that's a bad thing…' _He said in a tiny voice, staring at his feet.  
His voice snapped Vexen out of his thoughts. Vexen gently grasped Marluxia's cheek and turned his face, so that he would look at him.  
'_It's not a bad thing. Don't worry. I'm only worried about why you don't remember any of the others. But don't worry, it'll be fine,'_Vexen whispered to the pink haired man, suddenly noticing that the distance between them had become really small. Gasping, he let go of the other, still feeling Marluxia's warmth on his skin. He stood up and turned to leave.  
'_Are you leaving?'_Marluxia asked. Vexen turned his head, to see the younger sitting on the bed, hands folded in his lap, looking at him with a sad face. Vexen breathed in and forced a nod out of himself. Then he left, sighing deeply and locking the door behind him, leaving Marluxia behind in the cold room.  
'_Well.. this is going to be a problem,'_ he sighed to himself.

Xigbar, Axel, Demyx, Luxord and Saix were in the lounge of Castle Oblivion, persuaded by Luxord to play a game of poker and therefore there were the inevitable tensions. That's why Vexen didn't find it surprising to be greeted with a couple of annoyed glares, a cheery greeting from Luxord and Demyx' pouting face. He greeted back absentmindedly, settling himself on the couch. He watched the others for a while, then he decided to phrase his question.  
'_Does any of you know anything about memory loss?'_He asked. Saix, sharp as ever, immediately snapped his head up from his cards.  
'_Do you suspect that when Marluxia wakes up, he might be suffering from memory loss?'_He asked in quiet voice, though still clearly audible. Vexen realized he hadn't told the others Marluxia was in fact awake ánd had lost his memory, but decided he could wait with that information for a while. He would be in trouble if the Superior found out that he had, not on purpose but still severely, damaged the Graceful Assassin, so he found it better to let them believe Marluxia was still unconscious.  
'_Well,'_ he began, '_that might be. And I don't know that much about memory loss, nor about it's cure.' _Saix' eyes seemed to see right through him, but he didn't speak.  
'_I wouldn't find it so surprising if he lost his memory,'_ Axel said, '_I mean, he's the one who's been fiddling with memories and such, like with Sora, remember? Maybe he was just destined to lose his own one day.'  
_Vexen silently agreed with him. He felt his heart sink, because if it really was because of the whole affair with Naminé, then there was most likely no cure. And they'd both be in trouble. Deep.  
'_Does this mean that Marluxia's already lost his memory then?' _Demyx asked. Axel patted him on the head.  
'_Dem-dem, Marly isn't awake yet. We'll have to wait, until then we can only speculate.'  
_Vexen decided he'd heard enough, and summoned a portal. He left the room, lost in his thoughts, the last thing he heard was Demyx trying to re-pronounce the word 'speculate'.

Marluxia still sat on the bed, looking around him, wondering what to do. That blonde haired man had locked the door, so he couldn't go outside. Oh, how he longed to go outside. There was a small window in the room, and Marluxia walked towards it. Slowly pushing it open, he breathed in the fresh air and a faint smell of flowers. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the sun-rays falling on his face for a minute.  
_It would be great to be outside, _he thought, _just walking around, exploring, enjoying the beauties of nature. _Marluxia leaned down to see if it was deep, and realized that he had to be on the third floor at least. A petal was floating on the soft breeze, and Marluxia tried to catch it. As he leaned forward more, he suddenly felt a sting of a terrible pain in his chest. He flinched and drew back, letting the petal fly away. As he sat back on the bed, he zipped his cloak open. His eyes grew wide when he found the many bandages around his torso, soaked in blood, and when he touched it, it hurt bad.  
_What is this?! _The Assassin thought, panic growing in his chest. He tugged at the bandages nervously, trying to get them off. I didn't work, they were firmly wrapped around him and would't come loose. Then his gaze fell on the scissors that were lying on a table.

Vexen silently opened the door to his lab to check on Marluxia. After he locked the door, he turned around the find the Assassin terrified. He had his coat halfway down, his chest exposed, staring wide-eyed at the bloody bandages he had ripped off. With his fingers he carefully traced the stiched wounds, flinching when it hurt. The Chilly Academic didn't know what to say. Then Marluxia looked up at Vexen.  
'_What happened to me?'_His eyes were wide, he was probably in pain. Vexen tried to change subject.  
'_I'll fetch you a painkiller. Wait here.' _He almost ran to the other side of the room, feeling embarrassed at the other's exposure and his reaction to it. After he grabbed the pill, the walked back to Marluxia and offered him the painkiller. Marluxia slapped his hand away, looking at him angrily, making the painkiller fly through the room.  
'_Answer me!!'_He screamed, one hand supporting his stomach, of which the wounds started to bleed again. Vexen stared at him, shocked. When he didn't answer, Marluxia's eyes narrowed.  
'_Who did this to me?' _He asked, dropping his voice. '_I know that you know and I want you to tell me. What happened to me?'_His gaze was now filled with anger and a hint of confusion. Vexen already saw the old Marluxia in him, only the confusion was out of place. Vexen turned his head.  
'_I'll tell you what happened, but.. not now. You have to heal first. Then we'll talk.'_Marluxia went back to screaming again, his voice shaking.  
'_Tell me what happened! It's my body, I have a right to know! Am I one of your experiments? Or is it something else? I want to-' _Vexen grabbed the other's shoulders, silencing him by pressing their lips together. As he heard the other's breathing go back to normal, he pulled away.  
'_Shush, Marluxia,'_ He whispered to the other, his face flushed, '_we'll talk later. If you get so worked up now you'll only hurt yourself.' _He looked at the pink haired man, whose eyes suddenly stood sad. After a short silence, Marluxia asked,  
'_What is your name?' _He looked at Vexen again, who was gently petting his hair, soothing him.

'_Even. Call me Even.'_

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**Please R&R! I'll give you a cookie! P**


	5. Discovery

**A/N: Hey there! A friend of mine did something really mean, and because of that I almost decided not to upload this chapter.. but she made up to me and now I'm uploading it anyway :) I hope you enjoy it, we're nearing the final chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own anything, sadly.**

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Chapter V.

Xemnas stomped down the corridors. He was in a very bad mood, there hadn't been very much progression on Kingdom Hearts lately; which made his mood even worse. Saix wasn't around, missions were taking too long, a one-metre high stack of paperwork was still waiting for him on his desk, and IV hadn't reported to him about XI's condition for far too long. And it had been enough; he'd see for himself what was taking the scientist so long.

Turning on the water, Vexen closed his eyes. The cold water streaming over his body made him calm down. He just listened to the sound of the shower, of the water running down, and sighed. How many days had it been, since Marluxia had asked his name? He had lost count already. A part of Vexen felt that he should tell the other that he wasn't Even, he was Vexen after all, but an other part of him told him he shouldn't. He could lose Marluxia's trust, because he lied to him, but if Marluxia would get to know some other way, it would be worse. Or, it could be worse. Vexen didn't know at all how the botanist would react. He wondered what it would be like to take him outside, lead him to some garden, see if he'd still like it. Vexen smirked at the thought, Marluxia probably would.  
After Vexen got dressed, he decided to walk back to his lab and put his hands in his pockets. Where his keys should have been, was nothing but an empty pocket. He looked around him, searching the floor and his coat, but the keys were nowhere to be found. A panicking thought struck Vexen.  
_Did I leave the door open?!_

_He better be in there, _Xemnas thought as he reached Vexen lab. Not bothering to knock, he swung the door open and stepped inside. The situation he saw was not the one he expected. There were only few suspicious looking bottles on the tables, no machines with ringing alarms and yellow lights, no sharp tools lying around. It was strangely clean and tidy, as if to make sure nothing would be unintentionally touched.  
'_Number IV_,' Xemnas began, not as sure as before. He looked around, and took a few more steps forward. Around the corner, he saw a cloaked figure hanging out of the window, in such a way only his legs could be seen. Xemnas wondered what on earth could possibly be so interesting, that the scientist would have to lean out of the window that far.  
'_Number IV?'_Xemnas tried again, but didn't get a response this time either. He could've sworn he heard the other humming.  
'_Vexen?', _he tried. The figure shot up, almost knocking his head against the window casing. Xemnas eyes widened as he realized that the one who was staring at him, with an expression similar to his own, was not the scientist he was looking for. Shaking his fluffy pink hair, and clenching the single red rose he had just obtained, Marluxia was the first to speak.  
'_Do you know something about Vexen?' _Xemnas' eyes narrowed at this comment.  
'_Because you are awake, you should at least have seen him,'_he stated. How could IV not have reported about XI's awakening?! Marluxia shrugged.  
'_I only know Even. But no matter, you must have come here for a reason, can I help you?'  
_Something clicked in Xemnas' head. He recalled Saix telling him about Vexen, who'd asked about memory loss… And now Marluxia did not know who he was.. Marluxia had been awake for a long time. A very long time. A period he, the Superior, had not known about. He felt his mood get even worse, if it was even possible, and stared at Marluxia. Said man looked back at him unsurely, doubting what to do as the other didn't answer. After a few more moments of just standing there, Xemnas decided.  
'_Yes. Give me that.' _He pointed at the rose the other was holding. As the former Assassin offered it shyly, he pulled it out of Marluxia's hands and stomped back to the corridor. When he was far enough, he crushed the rose under his shoe, until nothing was left of it.

Vexen ran back to his laboratory, while running searching the floors for his keys, what if he had lost them somewhere? Marluxia better not had gone out of the lab, what if he'd just carelessly strolled around in the castle, and lost his way, what probably would happen, or even worse; if he were to meet one of the other Organization members…  
His footsteps sounded unaturally loud in the long corridors, as if no one had been there for a long time. Suddenly, one of his footsteps did not sound as 'step' but more as 'crunch'.  
Vexen looked at his feet. Beneath his left foot lay a rose, which looked as if it had been stepped on several more times. He felt himself pale as he realized this could come from only one person.

Marluxia didn't get it. _First, Even had left, like he always did. Then, this strange guy would come up to me and say something about Vexen, darn, what is it with that name?! Then that guy went all angry and scary because of nothing, and now Even is back, shouting something._ Marluxia didn't bother to really listen, he'd had enough for the day. He just stared at his feet, waiting for 'Even' to calm down. He hadn't done anything else than any other day, and still he'd done something wrong. It was weird, this whole day was just weird.  
When he heard Vexen raised his voice even more, and said his name in a very dangerous tone, he decided to look at him. Vexen stood right in front of him, looking at him with his green eyes narrowed. Marluxia returned his gaze, his patience was running out and he just wanted to be left alone. He turned around, meaning to walk away.  
'_Marluxia! I'm not done with you!_' Vexen's angry tone almost made the other shiver.  
The pink haired man did not react. He just stood there, his back turned to Vexen, wondering what to do.

'_Marluxia!'_Vexen had really had it. Number XI's nerves really started to freak him out, how many times had he not told him not to go out of the lab? And still the other would deny everything and say he'd just been busy with flowers: well that was exactly what busted him, darnit! Who else would bring a rose out into the corridors?! Vexen was on the edge of insanity. As the other turned his back to him, he felt something break inside him. He crouched and summoned his shield.

Marluxia turned. His eyes wide, he stared at what he saw. That weapon. That. That was.

_Vexen. _

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**Oh, how I love cliffhangers :P Next update will be.. soon!**


	6. Passion

**A/N: Okay, here's another update :) The words in **_italics _**are thoughts here. I know that might be kind of confusing but I really had to display Marluxia's thoughts like this now because else you wouldn't understand later chapters XD And this chapter is pretty short. I apologize for that. **

**Anyway, enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, Disney and Sqeenix do. **

**Random fact(s): I had no idea how to go on with this story and then at once it rolled out. I've got it all worked out now :) Written to music from Dragonforce. **

Chapter VI.

_That weapon belonged to Vexen.  
__Even is holding Vexen's weapon.  
__Vexen.. in Even's hands.. how can that be? It isn't right. Something is wrong.  
__Even is safe. A safe haven. Even is good. Positive. He'll protect me. From what?  
__That's right. From Vexen. Vexen is bad. Negative._

_Didn't Vexen have to die? Was that it?  
__Even rescued me. He saved me. He takes away the pain with his softness and caresses.  
__Vexen annoys me. Vexen annoys me in my head. I don't know him. Vexen has to die._

_Even in Vexen's hands… no the other way around. Vexen in Even's hands. _

'Marluxia!'

_What is that? Even?  
__Vexen. Vexen has to die.  
__Even is safe. Positive.  
__Vexen is safe. No, yes. I don't know. Vexen is not safe. Bad.  
__Then what?  
__Oh right.  
__Vexen has to die._

'Marluxia!'

_Is that it? Yes that's it. Vexen has to die. No, Even, in Vexen's hands? The other way around? Vexen has to die. That's all I know. Right._

_..Who had to die?_

_Was it Even who annoyed me? Yes. No. Yes, he annoyed me too. Pleasure. I remember pleasure. Soft. Was that Vexen? Maybe it was. Maybe not. Maybe Even isn't as safe as it seems._

'Marluxia, please say something! Marluxia!'

_Ah yes. Say my name.  
__Someone had to die. Of that I'm sure._

_It isn't me who has to die.  
__Then it's you.  
__It's you._

'Marlu- Marluxia, wake up!' Vexen screamed, frightened, as the other had just collapsed in front of him. He had a hold of the other shoulders, gently though in panic shaking him, desperately trying to wake him up. He felt shivers run up his spine as fear took hold of him. The expression the Graceful Assassin had just had, when he saw the shield, was not good. It frightened Vexen, he feared Marluxia's reaction and for inexplicable reasons, he feared the other's memory.

_If he remembers, I'm done for, _Vexen thought, _all will be over. It's been good but it won't last if he goes back to his normal self. Please, Marluxia, say something!_

That moment Marluxia opened his eyes. He locked his gaze with Vexen's. The bright green eyes stared back at him, the fear of a moment ago still visible. It was silent.

Marluxia reached up with his hand, gently cupping the other's cheek. Vexen closed his eyes for a moment as he enjoyed the touch.  
'It's you..' Marluxia whispered. 'It's definitely you..'

_Did he recognize me?! _Vexen thought. He wished it to be so, and yet he wished it wasn't.

'Yes, Marluxia.. it's me..' He whispered back, taking the other in his arms, slowly snuggling his neck.  
'Are you sure?' The pink haired man asked, still softly though his tone had changed. Vexen only groaned softly against Marluxia's neck.  
Marluxia began to slowly move his lips towards the other's lips, whispering against the soft, porcelain coloured skin.  
'Then.. it truly.. is you.. who.. has to-'  
Their lips met. Consuming, burning. Fed by a heated passion both of them felt, they collapsed on the floor.

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**I'm not sure about this chapter. What do you think?**


	7. I know you

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the long delay! So, I made it extra long And there's a small cliffy, but don't worry, it's been worse ;) **

**Dedicated to Meeltjuh, because she's an awesome Axel**

**Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and it's characters is property of Square Enix and Disney. So I don't own anything :(**

Chapter VII – I know you

Xemnas patted Saix on the head, who was sitting on his knees next to the Superior. He was content about number VI, because said man was loyal and trustworthy, and so to say pleasurable company. He would not speak until he was asked to, he would only say things that seemed wise to him; actually he would do anything for his Superior. It were these moments that Saix enjoyed most and Xemnas knew that, so he patted number six on his head once again, softly stroking his long hair. Saix closed his eyes for a moment, then he looked up at Xemnas.

'Sir?' he asked.

'Yes, Saix?' Xemnas answered, wanting to know what the Luna Diviner would say.

'What should be done about the whole affair with number IV and XI?'

It was silent for a moment while Xemnas thought. Saix did not look away, even though the Superior was staring at his feet.

'Speak to IV,' Xemnas said after a while, his deep voice creating a very slight echo in the spacious white room. 'He'll know more about the situation. Leave punishment and such to me, just find out about XI's situation. I need him to handle Castle Oblivion.'

Saix nodded. He looked at the floor as he felt the Superior's long fingers gliding through his hair again, and tried to hold in a soft moan.

'When should I go speak to IV, sir?' He asked, his voice a lot softer than his superior's. Xemnas' lips curled into a small smile.

'Later, you can stay for a bit.' Saix closed his eyes again.

The first thing Vexen felt when he woke up was heat. The person lying in his arms was warm, much warmer than himself. Though he lie there calmly, little sweat drops were glistening on his skin, as if he were sporting. He looked at the other, who was asleep peacefully, his breathing steady and slow. Vexen got out of bed and threw on some clothes, and he heard the other mumble in his sleep, turning to his other side.

'mh.. no.. Larxene.. eh..' the words were muffled, spoken into the soft cushions. Vexen looked behind him, to find that Marluxia's peaceful expression had been replaced with a pained one.

'hn… no good…n-no..' the Assassin mumbled again, 'he's.. a threat..'

Vexen tensed, he stood without moving a muscle, waiting until the sleeping man would speak again.

'Axel…mf.. fade.. hnn.. Sora.. will..' Then Marluxia turned to his other side again and slept on silently. Vexen relaxed a bit, but what he had heard worried him. The Graceful Assassin had spoken about people Vexen thought he didn't remember. What if it had been a trick all along? What if the pink haired man was completely sane, making everyone believe he'd lost his memory?

No. Impossible. The way he reacted, his instinctive fear for everything he hadn't been introduced with, it couldn't have been an act, could it? Vexen looked at the sleeping Nobody once more. He walked towards the door, went through it, and locked it. Marluxia'd have to explain a lot of things after he woke up.

'Hey, Roxas,' a cocky grin decorated Axel's face whe he entered his blonde buddy's room. Roxas just gave Axel an annoyed glare, then went on with sorting his clothes.

'Now don't go ignoring me, Roxas.. what's bothering you lately?' Axel tried again, this time with a little more serious expression.

'Oh, I- I just don't know, Axel.' Roxas sighed. 'It's just that other Organization members just keep, well, disappearing. And I kind of, well –' Roxas looked away and shut his mouth. Axel put a hand on his shoulder, encouraging him to tell what was wrong.

'Oh jeez Axel.. ' Roxas hesitated again. Axel crossed his arms and leaned backwards.

'If you're not going to tell, then don't start talking about it.' He said to Roxas, secretly hoping it would be enough to get the other to talk. Roxas sighed again.

'It's frightening me, Axel. I kind of feel like I don't belong here..'

Axel's mouth fell open. He stared at his friend, trying to figure out how to react.

'What the heck are you saying. Roxas?!' Axel then stated, his words with the force of a firestorm. 'We're friends, right? You're just gonna leave, saying you _don't belong here?! _Oh, come _on!_' Axel opened his mouth to say more, but was interrupted by Roxas.

'I never said I was gonna leave!'

'I know you want to, you can't hide anything from-'

'Don't act like you know everything, Axel! Now get the fuck outta my room!'

Axel was stunned by the language of his blond friend, who was usually so shy and innocent. For once, he'd done what he was told; slowly turning, he opened a black portal and disappeared.

Marluxia felt lightheaded when he woke up, he looked around him to find that he was alone again. He got out of bed, threw on his cloak and walked towards the lab, hoping to find 'Even'.

'When I get that Vexen guy, I'm so going to kill him..' he kept mumbling to himself. The lab was also empty when Marluxia came in. There were a few boiling fluids on heaters, cabinets filled with other bottles, in various colours. On the left was the window, underneath which Marluxia had found roses growing up the wall. It was as if he had a sixth sense for flowers, or maybe they just chased him. It didn't bother Marluxia so he didn't give it much thought.

on the table in the middle of the room was a small note, written in Vexen's small handwriting. Marluxia picked it up to read it, but put it down when he heard a loud voice echoing through the room and a portal opening.

' Vexen? I need something to make Roxas less of a –' Axel's expression changed from annoyed to stunned as he saw who he was talking to.

'..bother?' Marluxia added to end Axel's sentence.

'Well, I wanted to say something else..' Axel said, clearly thrown off balance. 'I, eh, Marluxia?!'

'That's me.' Marluxia looked at the note again, more interested in Even's message than a stunned redhead.

'Since when have you been awake?' Axel asked, trying to compose himself. Marluxia just shook his head, putting the note down once again.

'You were looking for a certain 'Vexen'?' The Assassin asked the other. Axel nodded.

'Good. If you find him, tell me where he is.'

Axel didn't bother to ask why Marluxia wanted to find Vexen, everything about the Graceful Assassin seemed so odd; something was definitely not right. If Axel was honest to himself, he wanted to run right now and tell someone. He wanted to tell Roxas, he wanted Roxas to comfort him about this strange encounter.

'Um, well, okay.' Axel turned to leave. 'And, eh, Marluxia .. don't do anything strange while you're alone. Got that memorized?'

Marluxia froze.

'Wait.'

Axel froze too, his leg hovering in the air, ready to step into the portal he had opened.

Marluxia turned around to look at Axel.

'I know you.'

* * *

**Next chapter will have to wait until afetr the 4th of May, because I'm going to an Animeconvention :) So, later!**

**Ps: Please review, I'd really really like to know what you guys think! Please please please!**


	8. Final

**A/N: Here it is, the final chapter! Whoo! Made it extra long because it's the last one :) It's the longest chapter yet! I hope you like it, and I'd really like to hear what you think, feedback is really appreciated! Well anyway, just get readin' :P**

**Disclaimer: Organization XIII belongs to Disney and Square Enix**

* * *

Chapter VIII - Final

Axel did not look around. The room was completely silent. Marluxia directed his gaze towards Axel again, desperately trying to remember a name.

It did not come to him.

'What's your name?' Marluxia didn't bother to ask how the other had known _his _name, because frankly he didn't want to know the answer.. Even had known it from the start, too..

Axel turned from the portal, to face Marluxia.

'The name's Axel. Got that memorized?' Axel snickered, happy to use his catchphrase again.

'Yeah..sure..' Marluxia answered, already losing his interest. The name 'Axel' did not ring a bell. He walked up to the door of the lab, finding it locked. Axel turned again, really aiming to step into his portal now.

'Where'd that.. _black hole _come from?' Marluxia asked innocently.

'You can't summon them anymore?'

'Why do you think locked doors are a barrier to me? And what do you mean with _anymore?_ I mean, before..'

Axel looked at the other man, not really believing what he was hearing. Did Mr. Petals really lose his mind or something? At once, number XI seemed incredibly lost.

'I'm confused.' It sounded almost like a confession. Axel laughed at the other's statement.

'Well, so am I.'

Axel walked up to the table, where Vexen's note lay. He picked it up.

'What's this, a love letter or something?'

Saix quickly walked through the corridors. The plan he'd made up was, well, fairly simple. Step one: go to the laboratory. Step two: manage to seize control of Marluxia. Step three: drag Marluxia along to the Superior and let him handle the rest. It shouldn't take more than fifteen minutes, at most.

'Shall I read it to you? It's for you, Marluxia.' Axel asked. Marluxia nodded.

'_Dear Marluxia,' _Axel read, '_When you read this, you might've already noticed that the door is locked. Don't worry, I won't be away for long. I just want to make sure you are here when I return, because we have to talk.' _Axel stopped for a moment to look at the other.

'Carry on, Axel.' Marluxia said, tapping his hands on the table. Axel recognized something of his old behaviour in the way he stood there. He breathed in and continued;

'_you've heard me talk several times about 'before'. I know you wonder what I mean by 'before'. When I return, I'll tell you about it. The list of names I let you read on the day you awakened, those are all 'people' you know. Or better said, knew.'_

'Yeah, those names made no sense at all,' Marluxia said, in an agitated tone.

_The reason I'm writing this to you is that I want you to think about what exactly you do remember of before you woke up. I know this is a difficult question, but please, the tiniest memory may be a huge step forward. So try your best._

_I'll see your some time after noon,_

_Even'_

Axel frowned as he folded the letter. Why does Vexen sign his letters with 'Even'?

'What's the matter?' Marluxia's voice ripped Axel from his thoughts.

'I just wondered why Vexen ended his letter with 'Even'.. I mean, why would he use his somebody name-' Axel's sentence stopped as he almost got sliced by the blade of a huge pink scythe and had to jump away. Marluxia panted.

'What.. what did you say.. about Even?!' His voice was low and threatening.

Axel, who had summoned his chakrams, ducked away again, still evading the scythe's swings. He one of his chakrams flew towards the other.

'Marluxia-' he avoided another attack, 'I don't know what you believe,' another attack was aimed at him, but missed, 'but Even is long gone!'

Marluxia froze, his scythe in mid-air.

'What?' His eyes narrowed.

'Even..' Axel panted, stings in his side from the sudden movements he'd been forced to make, 'Even is dead. Even is no more, now there's only Vexen.'

Marluxia dropped his scythe.

'Even.. Even is dead? How?'

After Saix had walked quite some corridors and had gone through countless doors, he began to wonder why he hadn't portaled to the laboratory. It would've been easier.

Saix' mood became even worse when he finally reached the laboratory; the door was locked, which meant he had to portal inside anyway. He cursed himself for wasting so much time. The scene he saw after stepping out of his portal was one he didn't expect. There, the Flurry of Dancing Flames, holding the Graceful Assassin, whose face Saix could not see but whose sobs he could hear.

Axel, feeling awkward, patted Marluxia on his shoulder, trying to tell him that _Vexen_was here, but every time he said "Vexen" the Assassin would give him a glare through his tears, so he decided to stay silent. Saix' voice made the Assasin's head snap up.

'Number XI…' Marluxia did not want another fight.

'Who are you?'

'You do not remember me?'

'That's what I hear all the time.'

'I am your superior.'

'Oh. Well. Eh, yeah.' Marluxia couldn't say much more before tears took all his speech away again. He sobbed in Axel's coat, asking himself the same thing over and over again.

_Why are you still here, and not where Even is?_

Vexen took large steps, walking back to his laboratory. He felt anxious to tell Marluxia about what had happened, who the man had been before, who he himself really was, but all these things also frightened him. What if the Graceful Assassin decided to kill him after all? It had been his intention that night, that cursed night all of this had started..

Vexen recalled the events of that night, the sudden attack, the fear, the panic. All that blood, that blood. I could've sworn he felt it drip it off his hands again while he walked.

_It's all an illusion, a mere memory.._

Vexen shook his head. He couldn't change what happened anyway, so he'd just have to make it as good as possible.

As he approached his lab, he heard voices. The door was a tad open and through the narrow opening he could see three cloaked figures, and he heard muffled voices. The he saw the three very bright colours, blue, red and pink. There was no mistaking who were inside.

_Trouble. Very big deep trouble. A lot._

The blue haired man turned around to look at Vexen; his sharp hearing had already detected the scientist. Vexen did not look at the Luna Diviner.

'Care to explain this, Vexen?' Although Saix' voice was soft, his tone was threatening and frighteningly low. At the sound of the word 'Vexen', a pink haired head snapped up.

'Where, I'll –' Marluxia saw Vexen, and looked at him as if he saw a ghost. 'Even?' he asked after a short moment of silence, softly, afraid to break the illusion. Then he turned he face back to Axel coat, 'no…impossible..' he mumbled, his eyes filling up with tears again.

Vexen walked towards the bundle of nobodies that was Axel and Marluxia and crouched, so he was on the same height. He looked at Axel confusedly, then phrased his question.

'Marlu? …What happened?'

It was silent for a moment, only Marluxia's soft sobs could be heard. The Assassin tried to answer, but his breath hitched every time. Vexen tried to calm him down, but Marluxia backed away. At last, he was able to answer.

'Axel said.. ' he breathed in, deeply, '_Even is no more, now there's only Vexen_.' Marluxia clenched his teeth then threw himself at Vexen.

'You bastard!! YOU KILLED HIM!'

_Flash.  
__Pain.  
__Oh my god, I'm bleeding, fuck what now- damn, it hurts!_

'Xemnas, sir?' Saix asked, tapping three fingers on the wooden door to announce he was coming in. Xemnas looked up from behind his desk.  
'Yes, Saix?' As he saw the Luna Diviner's troubled expression, his suspicion grew. 'What is the matter?'  
Saix was silent for a moment. Then, he gathered his courage and spoke.  
'I came to report of IV's death.'

Marluxia found himself in a large, white room, accompanied by a guy with bright red, spiky hair and a blonde girl with a dangerous aura. He knew they were kind of nice, but he avoided contact as much as possible.  
_Even.. they killed Even. These people, and those in the other world.. They killed him, I know. I will avenge him. _He closed his eyes and frowned.

_I'll kill every last one of them, even if it's the last I do. _

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Damn, I didn´t really want this to end yet, but.. I had to! So click that flashy review button and I´ll start another story xD


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